Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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