so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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