My liver just broke up with me...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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