Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
