Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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