I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
