Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All the doctor said was why
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
