i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
