i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
