i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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