Everything about him screamed your future.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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