You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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