there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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