I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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