last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
