haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
