you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
