alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
