all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
