ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
