Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
