Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
