His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
