He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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