No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize