Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
