I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
