I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
