During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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