The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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