I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
