Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
