your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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