You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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