am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize
