im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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