I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
