i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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