i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
