Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
