just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
