If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize