White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
