i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
