Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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