How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
