i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
