HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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