a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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