I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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