UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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