I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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