i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
