Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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