you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
