new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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